“Why would you lie to me!?” thundered Kate. She was extremely upset about it. Kunle had lied to her about what she considered the most important issue in their relationship. The poor guy could not say anything but he eventually managed to stutter “I – I - aam ve – very sor-ry Kate” he was moving closer, gaining confidence. “I – I – was….” “Don’t come near me!” Kate raged on “Don’t try to. I hate you for lying to me. I loved you and you betrayed me!” She was sobbing hard. It was not about that dark girl that Kate had seen with him. “This is more than that, it is a betrayal of my trust!” She confided in her friend. “Kunle was never a student of the university, he had been lying about it for the past one and half session!” Kunle did score above 200 in his JAMB but lost his admission to the unfulfilling promise of one lecturer he knew. It was so hard to tell her while just meeting her. He had fallen madly in love with her, she has been a wonderful companion and he could not afford to lose her. Although they tried to mend the sore and move on, it did not last. They broke up painfully last month.
Lie, as small and easy it could be, is one of the most harmful in a relationship. Guys out there had always used lie to get away with their misdeeds. Everyone would remember the popular Shaggy style – “it wasn’t me”. Everyone would agree to have lied one way or the other either while one was young or while of age but many would also agree that lie is not good. Some people consider “white – lie” as a good one because it seeks to protect one from harm or to protect the other person. Then, how do we explain this where a little boy told his father’s debtor that the father was not at home and actually, the father was hiding. Do we consider that a “good lie” since the little boy did it to protect his father from possible embarrassment? This will indeed arouse argument which I am not concerned about. Lie is lie and I know many will agree with me that it is harmful either being at the giving or receiving end. Then why do people lie?
People lie in order to avoid the consequence of heart break, hurt and punishment. This was actually the reason Kunle gave: “I was very afraid of how Kate will react to it that I was not a student at the university. I was so crossed with myself that I had not told her the truth. I’ve been lying for the past one year plus”. We must have done this even when we were young but we usually find out that what follows was hurt from which we suffer and our parents are disappointed in us.
Some people might know a
On the other hand, low self-esteem is another reason people lie. They feel that which will be said concerning them by the other side. They have a low self-esteem about themselves. This is one of the many problems psychologists are contending with which has bedeviled many in our society – low self-esteem which many people do refer to as inferiority complex. Many live their lives based on other people and are deadly conscious of what they will say about their actions. They therefore consider lie as a perfect getaway.
Dr. Myles Munroe wrote somewhere in his book “The Burden of Freedom” of how to be totally free which requires most essentially responsibility. In his other book “Understanding the Power and Purpose of Men”, he explained how life has been this due to lack of responsibility on the part of Adam, the first man. People lie because they don’t want to be responsible for their actions.
A person who is not responsible for his actions lacks what it takes to be a dependable person in life. The person resorts to trading blames as seen by Adam of the bible against his wife, Eve. No matter what, truth is and should be the best thing to do. This is for the following reasons.
Truth is the best. Had it been that Kunle had said the truth rather than being quiet to Kate, don’t’ you think Kunle would have avoided the trauma that accompanied their break up and things could have been OK for them both? They might not have dated but there would have been mutual respect for each other’s feelings and they both would have been better for it.
For two people to work together or for a group to be very effective, John C. Maxwell wrote in his book “The 17 Essential Qualities of a Team Player”, there must be trust. This he called the “Quality of Communication”. A strained relationship, to him, can only be conquered or adverted by proximity. And to my mind, a relationship based on trust has as its foundation, truth. In actual sense, truth fosters trust.
Look at Adam of the bible. What if Adam had accepted that he had actually offended God and said sorry, do you think God would have banished them out of
Everyone would agree with me that although in most time, truth really hurts but it also strengthens relationship if the truth is told on time. John C. Maxwell also wrote in his book of the “twenty four – hour rule” where he advised that to have a good relationship, members of a team should not exceed twenty-four hours to see to mending their strained relationship. I believe this also applies even when there is no strained relationship. It is good to also say the truth and should be said on time.
Three deadly wishes have been identified namely: I should have, I could have, and I might have. Funny enough, these could have been avoided in most relationships if only people could just say the truth. Why don’t you get on the train and promise to always say the truth no matter what. It’s just a way of avoiding hurts before it is too late.
