She Wants Commitment, But He Doesn’t: She Deserves All Of It

It was once a tentative kiss. Slowly it gets on, intense this time. He is reaching for her curves. Gently, he lets his right palm wander to the small tender breasts and strikes the nipples gently. She moans and he smiles. Gently he reached for her panties, pulling it down sensually, emitting the non-descript tones from her. He is enjoying it, she is also enjoying it but in their mind, it is war. She wants commitment, but she’s not sure if she’s getting what she’s giving – her commitment. However, he doesn’t want commitment at all.

This is about one of the major issues in relationship all over the world and it is a troubling one at that. It has even led to the break up of relationships, so many homes and even marriages leaving behind heart breaks, hatred, sadness, and in marriages and homes, displaced children who are quite unsure whom to follow in divorce – “loving” mum “who couldn’t suffer with the kids”, or “violent” dad “who brings goodies home every evening”.

Relationships and even marriages end up on a sad note due to the misplacement of purpose of what relationship and marriage stand for. A little bit of theology shows us that it was in God’s wisdom that it was for man not to live alone and, not to think alone, reason alone, build alone, and do many things alone – that God made for him a woman. Then something is worthy of note here. The man thinks! And for a purpose, the woman is born and they have to share things together and even do things together.

This, the woman in many relationships seeks to pursue but unfortunately, her man does not feel the same about it. Her man believes that having sex is what makes the relationship stands and is, therefore, only interested in her for that. Heck no! Zondra Hughes, in her article: “Sister Beware! Are You Really ‘The One’ – Or Just One of Many?” published in Ebony magazine, May 2005, wrote that there is a red flag if “you (the lady) only see him during the off-peak hours – and most often in the bedroom.” Then that should alert the lady that her man is not interested in fulfilling that purpose but only in her body and all he would get from her is sex.

I’d actually heard guys complain that they couldn’t find a girl to go out with and those they’ve tried to talk into relationships, have given them ‘no’ for answer. I’ve also been in their shoes before but what bothers me really is the guy’s attitude afterwards. My experience with Yetunde comes into my mind. I’ve actually thought about playing around and I got talking with her. She was beautiful, buxom and one of the people I’ve actually enjoyed spending time with. She is such a straightforward person who tells you what you need to hear and what you may not like to hear. I so much liked her. Then, I had a change of purpose. I’m going to date her. I thought I was getting to like her the more. Unfortunately, she declined my proposal. She said she had a boyfriend and though she liked me but would like to put it at that. “I like spending some of my time with you”, she began, “but we’ll have to just put it at that. I love my man.” I tried harder but ‘no’ I got. Then, my attitude to her changed. The once buxom, beautiful and loving girl turned something else to me. I didn’t feel the heat anymore! Then I asked myself: “Did I ever like her that much at all!?”

Do you know how wrong my perception about the relationship? Very wrong. I thought I cannot give to her unless I’m dating her! Then, I never liked her! Once you thought unless you get something back, you cannot give, that means you are not living well. John Bunyan, a writer, once said, “You have not lived today successfully unless you have done something to somebody who can never repay you”. I tried to be romantic and planned things with her in mind before I asked her out but immediately she said ‘no’, I didn’t feel it anymore. A friend once observed and that’s one thing that I’d never forget in my life: “Don’t you think you can still add to her life even if you guys don’t go out?”

I think brothers are selfish. She wants commitment, but you don’t. She wants a monogamous relationship but you still see those girls. She wants to talk about it and all she gets was smacking. If you still see those girls, then should you complain that she’s an infidel? Or how will you feel if same thing is being done to your own sister? You get the money and advice on your only investment from her and now she doesn’t worth your commitment any longer. That silky black tie that girls love playing with and that Stacy Adams suits guys at the office admire so much deserves your time but sure you can’t forget so soon how lightened up your eyes were when she gave them to you on your birthday. I think you should hear what St Francis of Assisi said: “all getting separates from others; all giving unites you to others”.

If she can leave those guys and put all her attention on you and you alone, although you know you’re not as dude as those other guys, you should also give her that attention because she deserves every bit of your attention.